Sunday, November 11, 2007
Futility.
People always say that the worst feeling in the world is regret. There is a wallowing feeling when you think about the things that could have been done. The things that might have been.
Regret.
When all the questions within yourself surfaces at inopportune moments. That aching feeling in your gut.
Why.
Why didn't I?
Why couldn't I?
Regret.
When you think back on the alternatives you could have taken. What if you took the road less traveled.
What.
What could've been?
What would've been?
However, I do not consider the worst feeling in the world to be regret. If you actually dig deeper into the gist of the matter, what inspires this universal fear of regret within humans is the actually feeling of
helplessness.
Helplessness.
Even if you have regrets of what has been, there is always something you can do from that point onwards to atone. You cannot reverse the damage. You cannot erase it from history. However, you can always atone for it. It at the very least makes room for reassurance.
With this horrid feeling of
helplessness, there is nothing you can do.
Nothing. There is no atonement. No actions to be taken. No plan to be made. Any viable outcome seems out of reach. Every train of thought crashes into a wall. It is futile. You cannot do anything but
move on. When I say move on, you and I know there is nothing more difficult or tedious. It is not a matter of want. It more of a matter of when. The time will come. Maybe today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe years later. At the very moment however, all you can do is sit there and wallow in your misery. You can rack your brain. Think as hard as you can. Deep down, you know there is nothing you can do.
Helpless. That's what you're feeling. The inevitable frustration at your situation will kick in soon. Impending tears will try and squeeze their way out of your sockets. Hug your pillow tightly. Punch the wall if you must. But rest assured, there is nothing else you can do.
Helplessness.
Futility.
How depressing.
travelled through my head at 11:21 AM