Thursday, October 12, 2006

Flair.

Sometimes you try your best, yet your best just ain't going to cut it. So what happens then? What are you going to do? Maybe you think, this is not my best. I can do better. Are you sure? Is all that hard work going to be something fufilling? Maybe there's no point trying. If I continue what I'm doing now, and fool people into thinking I'm something I'm not.. Wouldn't that be better in a way? Secretly you think, does hard work and effort really get you somewhere? Maybe, just maybe.. There is this huge unconquerable wall that you can't pass no matter how hard you try. The wall so large and impenetrable. The wall that leaves a gap between the ordinary and the special. The wall called.. Talent.

But isn't it true what they say? That everyone has their own talent, their own unique capability and aptitude they were born with. So I might really have a skill that's unique to no one but myself. Is that what you're thinking? That you have a special know-how or maybe a forte in something in particular. Is that so? Then, what is that little voice nagging in your head? It's small yet you can't ignore it. It tells you, "What if my specialty.. is being good at nothing?".

People say they strive for the best. They do what they can to reach the top. Put everything they can into making their dream into reality. Wake up. This is not a drama you see on TV. Your story may not end with a happy ending. Thinking that everything will end up nicely for you, slaving right up to the end. Wouldn't you regret it? Wouldn't your last wish be that you didn't work so hard all the time? Don't you regret not going for something else? Something you actually want and not your parents or your friends or what expectations that have been put upon you? When the final chapter of your life is closing, can you be sure enough as to say, "I'm satisfied with all that I have done."

I am a hypocrite. I say all this but secretly, I still hope for the best. I may not work as hard as I should but I still hope for that flowery happy ending you see in Korean dramas. I know that sometimes people get frustrated at me for saying the things I say and doing the things I do. However, you must believe me when I say that if I do hurt your feelings, it's not from evil intent. It's just honest to goodness me. Me. I believe that I truly am lucky. Blessed with many things others are not. Yet I cannot be satisfied. I want everything. I want the world. I want to be the author of my own happy ending. Am I selfish?

Yes I am.

travelled through my head at 12:36 AM